So much to say, so much to say…

Open up my head and let me out…

argh! I can’t seem to shake this DMB tune off my head.

I went silent from April of 2020 up to now. With the exception of a few posts on my IG and personal socmed accounts, I pretty much erased my presence digitally. At some point I even turned off this website for months at a time as it would trigger anxiety whenever I would see it.

grayscale photo of man thinking in front of analog wall clock
Photo by Brett Sayles on

The mere mention of my domain would cause me to argue with myself on whether I should post whatever drafts I’d already written during the lockdown period. Then I would tell myself I would rather not expose too much of what was the darkness that was eating up on me during that time.

It was ugly, I can guarantee that much.

I managed to keep busy during the entire lockdown and never lost much work. And I am extremely grateful for that, but still, the toll on being isolated from everyone else in my social circle took its toll.

For someone like me who grew up introverted and anti-social, not having to meet people in person seemed like the perfect setup. The not-having-to-meet part almost seemed perfect, for the first few weeks of the lockdown at least… until it wasn’t.

Being able to get out and move around was something I never really appreciated until that was taken from me. Spending much of this time not seeing other people in my social circle has not been too helpful to my state of mind. Imagine me, a pretty much anti-social person, now longing for human interaction outside of my immediate family.

So here we are in 2023, and I feel much better now. Everything seems to fall into place and sometime late last year, I would for the first time, have a more positive outlook on what is to come. We also started to ease our own self-imposed restrictions and started venturing out more.

The past lockdown changed a lot of things for everybody and the effects of this pandemic continue to disrupt our lives and would do so for years to come.

I have a lot to say, but choosing what gets published is a form of self-censorship that takes a lot of restraint, a ton of self-control.

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